My Month(s) of Post Grad Brain Rot & Relaxation
I start my first full-time job in industry soon, so for now, I rot.
I’m rotting. It’s become my full time job,
aside from a feverish job search that has fortunately ended, and a move back to an old city I know and love (like the perfect pair of worn-in jeans) into the cutest house I’ve ever lived in.
It’s been a pretty slow and melancholic down season for me here. I’ve taken to calling it my Blue Season— an idea that absolutely captivates me. (Don’t tell Taylor Swift bc then she’ll write a whole album about blue seasons and steal it from me, a sweet young girl only in her first ERA)
In this season, I’m forced to sit back and get to know myself over and over again through hundreds of tiny moments I’ve spent my whole life taking for granted. When will I wake? What will I watch? What will I eat? What will I read and do today? And it’s okay if that’s actually nothing. Romantic in essence, and totally, deeply boring.
I haven’t had the luxury of focusing on these things in a very long time, and focusing on them really feels luxurious. Three whole months of moments where I’ve gotten to know myself again and to remember what makes me tick outside of cyber (my absolute dedication for the past few years) and I’m reminded that those parts of me matter too.
As my Blue Season comes to a close next Wednesday when I start my big girl job, I’m trying to make sure I’m as holistically ready as I possibly can be. I’ve been sleeping and eating well, taking my vitamins, and trying to manage my stress and all of my big feelings to make sure that when I step forward into this next season of my life I’m as ready as I can possibly be.
There were so many times I was so ready for this season to end, but now that it’s leaving me, I want to remember the ways in which I basked in my rotting, and opened the doors to becoming fully myself again.
___________________________________________________________________
The first thing I did was watch The Mentalist, and I hated every moment of it.
After my internship ended, the only thing I had the brain power to do was stare at a screen, and even though I’d give this show 1 star, I physically couldn’t look away because it was too much work for my brain.
Though Patrick Jane was an absolutely hilarious and well-written protagonist, there was so much I couldn’t get behind. Especially the show’s antagonist, Red John, who has a pipsqueak voice as a joke when calling people to threaten them, leaves a smiley face as a calling card at each of his crime scenes, and whose terrible moniker is never explained. I wasn’t a fan. His other schtick is silencing those who speak up against him in the media, so check up on me in a few days to make sure I’m still here. Since I’m obviously the media.
Yes, I am a glutton for punishment so I watched 7 of 8 seasons trying to find its redeeming qualities and to see if Jane and Lisbon got together. My only takeaway was that I needed Patrick Jane’s leather couch and that my ADHD could probably benefit from a mind palace if I could ever get around to setting that up, though, sadly a Room of Requirement is far more likely.
Then I played Fae Farm.
The experience was very breezy and care-free and I could fly! I became a fairy with her very own farm, took care of some off-brand chickens and cows, mined for gems, and saved the townsfolk from this fog stuff. There was an invisibility potion, so I took that to hide from the monsters in the mines instead of killing them, as I abhor stress.
While I played, I listened to some Frieda McFadden audiobooks. I like to think of them as bubblegum thrillers. Easy to listen to or read, interesting, short, and while predictable at times, never disappointing. My favorite was The Crash which was like if Trisha Paytas took Stephen King’s Misery to Broadway.
While I didn’t do the thing to make the crazy flowers (an in-game fan favorite) because I am frankly too impatient, I got to customize my fairy wings and I gave myself long purple hair which… leads me to my next prompt.
Do I grow my hair out?
I think I’m going to. I wanted a pixie throughout all of my adolescent life, but it’s been 8 years now and I need a break. I’m sick of sleeping in a skull cap (it’s not cute, my sister has an album of me where in her words I “look like Eminem”) and getting haircuts every 3 weeks. I miss messy braids and slack pony tails, and lately I’ve been very drawn to 80’s inspired blowouts and business professional attire. My long hair looks like Denise Richards’ did in the 90’s, so that’s what I’m trying to channel.
I’m envisioning the perfect blowout, winged liner, and vintage designer suits in my future (or investing in the perfect Havre Studio or Autentiments set) while I talk to you about how much I love computers. Are you listening? I am also wearing dangly Vivienne Westwood pearl earrings. This all takes place a year from now because according to ChatGPT that’s when my hair will be that long. While I did ask it to generate a picture of me a year from now, it gave me a severe egg-shaped head and I won’t be sharing it here. It was not good for morale.
A remote job is the perfect time to suck it up and grow out a horrific mullet. Time to invest in some hats. Keep in mind I have a big head, but let me know if you guys have any ideas.
I thrifted a copy of The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin, and it’s been my favorite read of the year so far.
It’s the story you know. What’s up with those perfect housewives? How do they fold all of their laundry, wax their floors, and what are their husbands doing up the hill at their almost nightly Men’s Association Meetings? Journalist and photographer, Joanna Eberhart is determined to find out.
Short, creepy, delicate, and perfect. I can’t stop thinking about this book. Levin also authored Rosemary’s Baby, and that’s next on my list.
Be my friend on Goodreads here! I love to see what other people are reading. Normally my reviews are too nice because if you wrote a whole book how am I supposed to be mean about that?
I learned that I love music called ‘Phonk’.
Yes, that’s a word. Phonk is a sub-genre of hip hop and trap music, heavily inspired by 90’s Memphis rap. In 2018 I fell in love with Tupac Shakur when I heard California Love for the first time. From his discography, I fell deep into his Thug Life and Makaveli projects (Tupac > Biggie, always). I listened to some Eazy-E, couldn’t get into N.W.A. as much as I tried, really got into DMX, Bone Thugs and, my fave Three 6 Mafia. Which, naturally, led me to Project Pat who was featured in a lot of their work. He released a song with GODHANDUSA and I couldn’t stop listening. I didn’t even know Phonk was a thing and I had no idea what I was listening to, but I can’t stop. Lately it’s either that or Addison Rae, or BRAT (again), or adore, who I’m also crazy about.
Here’s a playlist of some of my favorite 90s rap & best of 2Pac.
And Phonk for those of you who are so inclined.
*Please keep in mind that the nature of this music is inherently explicit.*
ODDITY.
Oddity. If you love horror movies, watch Oddity. Please keep in mind, there isn’t much out there that scares me, so be forewarned. This movie is in my tip tip top favorite forever because it’s the first movie that has ever made me jump-out-of-my-bones-bloody-murder scream.
It’s so cinematic, beautiful, and out of this world eerie. Basic plot (without spoilers) is:
Twin sister avenges her sister’s untimely death by summoning her powers of the occult. Post-Mortem revenge dished out by a blind woman who travels with her very own life-sized ken doll. Wear a diaper bc you might pee your pants. 10/10 masterpiece. Just looking at the stills in order to find a non-threatening image for this post gave me the goosebumps again. If you decide to give this one a watch, be sure to reach out and let me know your thoughts. It’s currently streaming on Hulu.
Then, I fell head over heels for The X Files.
I’ve never been big into Sci-Fi, so my obsession with this one really surprised me. After I read about ‘The Scully Effect’, I knew I had absolutely no choice in the matter; I had to know everything. A beloved 90’s series that inspired a generation of young women to pursue careers in STEM, proven by a study done by The Geena Davis Institute? My stars. I will be writing about this in depth once my ‘research’ is complete, and I will never, ever, EVER forgive David Duchovny for seasons 8 and 9 as long as I live.
The last thing I did was play dress up.
And then I also dressed down...a lot. I had so much fun organizing my new closet. It’s HUGE. It fits my deadstock tulle baby pink Gunnesax gown I’m still trying to figure out how to wear, and there is so much room for so many new pieces. I recently bought some cyber-themed tees from a cool small brand that I’ll be styling on here soon. I scored my dream pair of Eytys tennis shoes for $60 on TRR, “invested” (lol) in a Marine Serre swimsuit for a trip I’m taking next month, and I’ve spent a lot of time thrifting for trinkets.
I’m starting to have the capacity to follow fashion shows for the first time in a few years, and it feels so great. Still trying to figure out how to integrate fashion content on here without being too horribly cringe, which, admittedly, feels like my personal nightmare.
I did score this amazing old ThinkGeek shirt on eBay and it’s a must share, but only in old insta filter style for maximum authenticity. Just imagine an Owl City lyric below:
This shirt makes me giggle. I like to think the nerd that wore it before me also suffered no fools.
:-)
I’ll be back with more fun actually cyber related content soon!
Be sure to tell me if you enjoyed this little post because it was a bit out of my comfort zone, and LONG.
<3 Leah
i’m your biggest fan
Love the eye liner